And this is what I get for being nice.
You may have seen my edit in the last post. I had to send a Dear John e-mail to BoomerSooner. Here's the gist of the e-mail:
"BoomerSooner,
Thanks for your replies. Unfortunately, I just don't think this will be a match. I'm so sorry. While all of the attention was very flattering, I'm afraid you just came on a bit too strong for me. Best of luck in your search! Sandra Dee"
That's not rude, I didn't think. Just honest. Short and to the point. I could have gone into detail about how I was freaked out by his many e-mails. I could have just quit writing him and left him in the dark.
But according to my niceness meter, as well as Velvet, Okie and Wombat, guys shouldn't be left hanging and like it when women give it to them straight. So I went with that.
And what do I get for being nice?:
"Sandra Dee-
I understand if you don't like me. That I can deal with. What I don't really like is being bullshitted. You read it right: bullshitted. If writing a few letters to you and expressing the fact that I happen to like you a lot and that you're a beautiful girl is "coming on too strongly," then either the world has changed a great deal since I learned the ways of dating, or you're bullshitting me. Please spare me the "business-like" dismissal and the contrived reasons for rejecting me. Just spare me, and tell the truth. Put yourself in my shoes. If you really liked someone, what would you have done? Acted like you DIDN'T like them? If that's your philosophy, prepare to live a very lonely existence. Maybe I'm just a little too damn honest for today's "dating games." I just wish you'd have met me in person because you'd have seen what an impressive person you're leaving behind. That's not arrogance, it's true. It's your loss, dear.
BoomerSooner"
I was stunned.
I called my old boyfriend who knows him, and we chatted about it. I felt terrible about my actions, but I thought honesty was the best way to go. The old boyfriend said my e-mail did sound a bit formal and lawyer-like, and he could see how Boomer may have misunderstood it and taken it as bullshit. Although the old flame knew me better than that, he knew Boomer wouldn't.
It's this stuff that makes me want to throw in the towel and say to hell with dating.
I spent part of the evening in tears over this stupid e-mail, people. Why do I let things like this get to me?
posted by Sandra Dee @ 8:54 PM
6 Comments:
There's no accounting for some people, SandyDee.
Your forthright and honest email was the right way to go about communicating with BoomerLoser. In your position - dealing with men - it's way better to be absolutely clear, and leave no room for doubt. You should be commended for that.
You know, it's too bad that he's taken it this way, but you have zero responsibility for his feelings. If he chooses to be offended, or whatever, then that is his decision.
He's lucky to have known you in the first place.
Wombat
Look. Guys love feedback. It doesn't always mean they deserve it. The less you date / know someone, the less they deserve to know where they went wrong. That said, you don't owe him anything. You're in the business of finding yourself men to date - not counseling and guiding the men you discard. Ok. That sounded rough, but listen here! You're making apologies and feeling bad. Stop it!! Right now!
I would either not write back OR write the following:
Dear BoomerSooner:
7 emails. You sent me SEVEN EMAILS. I rest my case.
Good luck,
SD
Well, at least his response confirmed that he was a effin nut case and that you did the right thing.
There was nothing wrong with your letter, but you could avoid responses like that by following velvet's advice and not giving a reason unless asked.
Regardless, I certainly wouldn't let it bother you.
Your email was fine.
He is just nuts. There is nothing you can do about a crazy person but sit still and wait until they move on to the next person.
You cannot engage them or it will never stop. Sit very quietly until he goes away....
Note to Dude:
Dude, she's just not into you!
Yeah, 7 emails is a little to much like Mikey in Swingers.
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